The blessing of being so desirable was not something that Charisse was inclined to stow away for any length of time. It was not a use-it-or-lose-it attitude because that would betray too much haste. It was more like a twice daily outing for a really good café au lait, with an almond biscotti, something that she savored but often confused with a need, as though being gorgeous were a basic human right.
A useful advantage to being beautiful is that people will readily change their plans and expectations in order to stay within the glow of your grace. And she knew that, and she knew Ben was coming around on this point, almost in spite of himself. She was not the sort of person to find this unattractive.
Ben, on the other hand, had lost something that was actually very important for him to lose. Up until that blissful morning after the dreadful night at the Palm Harbor KOA, Ben thought he was a volunteer on this journey; that he had exercised his freedom to choose, to choose to head south with Charisse. But then came that jarring moment of insight, that he was not really a thinking man in the way he thought he was, or could realistically hope to become. It was a little depressing, but liberating too.
Near the apex of the Sunshine Skyway bridge you can feel like you’ve gone to heaven. It only costs a dollar to make the trip, not counting gas, but it’s worth it, to be up above everything, elevated above Tampa Bay gawking at the golden wedges of the cables. Ben thought it was surreal. Up there looking out at the infinity of the Gulf of Mexico. He imagined he was looking out toward Brazil, even though it was western Cuba. Not that he could see that far. Not even that he wanted to see that far. Blue forever was a good space in which to sail the mind.
Back on the ground in Manatee County he began to gather an even clearer sense of himself and his predicament with Charisse. What had begun to really pick at him, back in that Waffle House in southern Georgia, was that she was in control of the agenda. And why should he be so peeved, he wondered. She was the one who’d asked him to come along for the ride. And she was the one who knew exactly where she wanted to go and how she wanted to get there. So, what was all the fuss about? Charisse was too self-focused? Come on, pal. Like this should be news at Valdosta, but somehow unknowable in the freezing rain on the New Jersey Turnpike? Wake up, sir.
And it went on like this, in his newly lightened head, until she tapped the brake pedal and descended into Fort Myers. He didn’t even ask what for. He had, by then, a new resolution. That for now he was just going to be a scientist, to gather information, without investment in the outcome. Although it did still warm his heart to learn that Hialeah was going to have to wait another day. She wanted to look for seashells on Sanibel Island in the afternoon, and then make love on the sand, at night, as if they were two sea turtles in a blanket.
There’s actually no reliable evidence, at all, that sea turtles mate on the beach, although it’s quite true that the females lay their eggs at night in the sand. But that’s the science on sea turtles, and Ben was now reoriented to gathering the science on Charisse. Field work and all.
